Stephen Klawiter is not your typical 71-year-old when it comes to love and romance. While some Baby Boomers may choose to settle down with a long-term partner, Klawiter prefers a different lifestyle. In fact, living alone, “is my comfort zone,” he says. Earlier in life, Klawiter had two marriages, both ending in divorce. Years later, the San Francisco native is quite happy creating a life outside of marriage. “I don’t really get lonely,” he explains. Klawiter relies on a good circle of friends, cats at home and two casual sexual relationships to fulfill his social and emotional needs. Klawiter enjoys the social interactions he has, without any serious romantic involvement. Klawiter finds a sense of freedom and independence without having a serious partner. “I wouldn’t want to be responsible for another individual…and their happiness.” Klawiter’s solo lifestyle points to his need to get much-needed alone time after a career as a performer. For years, Klawiter performed as a pianist in front of massive crowds, entertaining hundreds of people, and talking and interacting with them afterward. Klawiter recalls that he frequently wanted to be left alone, but could not be, due to the nature of his job. “My love life is the balance to that,” he says.

Klawiter’s story is surprisingly common among the generation of Baby Boomers. According to Pew Research Center, as the divorce rates are dropping for younger adults, the divorce among U.S. adults 50+ has been on rise.The 5% divorce rate in 1990 doubled over the last 25 years and reached 10% in 2015. Many adults struggle to stay in their second marriages too, similarly to Klawiter. Out of all adults 50 and older who divorced in 2015, 48% had been in their second or higher marriage. The third time’s the charm, but not when it comes to marriages.

For Samatha, 61, and John, 65, their idea of love comes from God. They met when they were 15 and 19, waited for Samantha to graduate from high school, and got married within 5 months. 43 years from then, they are still together, studying the Bible daily. “We not only read the Bible, we follow it, we live by it”. Marriage is only the beginning for Samantha and John. Understanding God’s unconditional love, “you develop more love the more you get to know somebody, and it continues to grow, until there’s no more..” Both agree that love deepens with the same person as you spend more time with them. They believe that love comes from understanding the self in relation to God and His creations (our surroundings). “The next time [you go to a park] I want you to think about your studies, and think about God, the trees, the birds, sit on a bench and just look around, it will be good for you”, John advises.

Some studies show that religious couples tend to divorce less than their nonreligious counterparts. Recent study led by sociologist Charles Stokes found that protestant couples who attend church regularly are actually 35% less likely to divorce than those who have no religious preferences. Although the percentage of married couples that are religious starts to decrease, still more than eight-in-ten married adults believe in God.

Maggie, 51, believes that she is too old to believe in love. In her view, we should focus on the love for friends and family instead of waiting for the one. “When I was young I used to believe in the undying love for one person, but my personal experiences made me really doubt if something like that exists.” Being divorced for 10 years made the San Francisco native realize that it’s impossible to find people who value the same things as her. “Honesty, maturity, ability to admit one’s mistakes” are some of the things that she seeks for in a new partner after suffering from an unhappy marriage that ended abruptly. As many people in her generation she questions whether marriage should be the status that couples strive for. “It’s overwhelming to see the amount of people who are getting a divorce, it makes me wonder what’s the point of it all.” Despite her efforts to be happily single she does find it hard to live alone. She points out that coming back home and not having anyone to hug may feel isolating. “But I am not desperately searching for anyone, my mother used to say that love is like a shadow: when you run away it chases you, and when you chase it it runs away.”

Maggie is not currently searching for a relationship, nor for casual sex, similarly to most single Americans. Roughly six-in-ten of singles are not looking for romance, and the older they get the more likely they are to be happy living on their own. If one day Maggie decides to search for love, she will possibly turn to dating apps: nearly half of singles are searching for romance online.

‘Was there ever a moment where you knew you were in love?’
‘While we were walking on a Sunday afternoon… either that or when she taught me how to waltz for the first time. That was pretty powerful.’

Perhaps influenced by his parents or the “too many romance novels” he read growing up, UC Berkeley junior Ethan Soe is a bit of an old soul when it comes to romance. For him, love is “exploring where a deep emotional connection with someone goes, even if neither of you knows where that leads to”. Recalling his previous relationships, Soe mentions that his definition of love has matured over time and adapts in each season of life. “Expectations are different; each life stage comes with a different set of challenges and a maturity you need to reach.”

While the modern-day social media scene didn’t necessarily affect the way Soe approaches relationships, he suggests that social media creates warped expectations about love for the younger generation. “I know couples who watch TikTok and feel the need to be living the picturesque life and doing cute couple things. And I feel like that can cause additional pressure because life doesn’t have to be a walking dream 24/7.”

When asked about his thoughts on dating apps, Soe remains a skeptic. “To be honest, the stories I hear are not the best, at least for people looking for love and long-lasting relationships.” Soe also suggests that a ring seem to hold less importance than it used to. “A lot of people at university are pretty driven and more focused on getting the bag. Maybe that changes once everyone has a stable job and then the goal shifts, but marriage doesn’t seem to be the most pertinent thing on people’s minds - most people aren’t ready for that sort of thing.”

Ethan is not the only one complaining about online dating. Almost half of dating app users say that their personal experiences with dating apps have been negative and almost nine-in-ten say that they often felt disappointed by the person they have seen. Ethan may try to resort to the most effective method of finding romantic partners - friends and family. About a third of adults who are married or in a committed relationship say that they were introduced to their current partner by people from their closest environment. Other popular ways of meeting people include work (18%), school (17%), and bars or restaurants (8%).